How Many Rumours Does It Take to Make a Signing?

As things have been pretty slow during the close season (just a new stand being built and some lovely new grass growing - all available to view at great distance on the webcam, not easy with a badger's eyesight) I thought I would occupy the quiet evenings in my sett in darkest Derbyshire by noting down all rumoured transfers to the Premier League's newest and brightest recruits OUR Blackpool FC

Little did I know that the list would soon outgrow the back of the envelope which had contained my tickets for Wembley Stadium 22 May 2010, graduate on to a pristine sheet of A4 paper and then evolve to a spreadsheet before even the first signing was announced!

But hey, this is Blackpool FC. We know things happen at the last minute ... or later - perhaps the referee will delay the Fulham kick off at Bloomfield Road by 15 minutes or so to allow contractors to tune in the big screen (are we having one??).

So back to the rumours.

The rumours I collated amounted to a mere 127 players at the time of writing and would in total make up quite some squad for Ollie to work with.
Of course it might just push the budget a little in spite of our new found wealth. We badgers are pretty damn good at digging I might say, but none of us have ever found the Ormerod money. My Fylde cousins are on alert for any new earthworks in or around the area and have already surveyed the ground beneath the East Stand and haven't found any bags marked 'Premier League Swag'.... yet.

Anyway a list of 127 possible players rumoured to be joining the Seasiders - what to do with the list? Does it stand alone as a work of fiction? Not really. There's some comedy value in there of course - a few decent one-liners, but not enough for a full stand up routine. I could do a statistical analysis - but got fed up after counting:

Goalkeepers 11

Defenders 30

Midfielders 38

Strikers 48

Interesting though that there are so many strikers, I guess they make for juicier rumours?

So what do us followers of the beautiful game do when faced with a list of players? Well I try and carve them up into teams. So here goes. I've had to use a fair bit of licence to piece things together and the 'teams' range from a basic 11 through a team with subs to a full blown squad so no nit-picking from you, dear reader. And yes, I'm sure I've not picked up on all the rumours - it's only a bit of fun after all.

So here goes all in a very flexible (some may say contrived) 4 - 3 - 3 format:

The Unforgettables

Players who have previously learnt the meaning of the Tangerine Dream:

Note : Martin's been on trial so long now he feels like part of the furniture.

The Unknowns

Players who had not troubled The Badger's radar in any way prior to the rumours :

Players whose names Ollie might struggle with in Press Conferences, as well as causing Tony Parr one or 2 headaches!:

Subs : Tim Krul, Federico Macheda, Stefan Maierhofer, Ritchie de Laet, Luciano Becchio, Jozy Altidore, Tor Hogne Aaroy

Squad : Kaspars Ikstens, Tamas Priskin, Macoumba Kandji

The Internationals

World Cup 'Stars' Past and Present:

Subs : Nicky Butt, DaMarcus Beasley, Sol Bamba, Claudio Morel Rodrigues

The Unaffordables

Players out of our wages league ;

Subs : David Bentley, Ben Watson, David Nugent, Rob Earnshaw, Robbie Blake, Gary Hooper, Nile Ranger

Squad : Jason Roberts, James Vaughan, James Beattie, Kenny Miller, Daniel Pacheco

The Untouchables

Players we probably would prefer not to see 'Wearing the Wonga' :

Subs : Matt Derbyshire, Robert Snodgrass, Georgios Samaras, Francis Jeffers (Discuss!)

The Unclassified

Basically players who don't fit into a category that I can pick a team from i.e. the rest !! But worth putting them in to have a complete-ish record - anyway, having said that there are some likely candidates amongst this lot!

Subs : David Marshall, Jack Cork, Scott Sinclair, Derek Riordan, Danny Rose, Rob Hulse, Ross McCormack

Squad : Scott Loach, Gavin McCann, Aiden McGeady, Andy Keogh, Brett Pitman, Simon Church, Jay Simpson, Martyn Waghorn, David Goodwillie

Well it's passed some time quite pleasantly (get a life I hear you shout), I'm sure you too can have a bit of fun picking your own rumour teams but one thing's certain the only team that matters is the one that pulls on the famous tangerine shirts at The DW Stadium at 3 pm on Saturday 14^th August.

Shall I start you off :

Gilks . . .

Good luck to Ollie in putting that team together and whoever they are - good luck from us all at It's Not Orange It's Tangerine.

Come on you Pool, We are Premier League …

The Badger